


Black Stars // ziall

by zayniallsmile



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Niall-centric, Zayn Leaves One Direction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:10:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6460729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zayniallsmile/pseuds/zayniallsmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you left, you took everything.<br/>My laugh, my endless words I only spoke to you, and my tears I kept hidden for everyone, except you.<br/>The worst thing is that you feel so different about this. You’re happy and excited, like you stole my personality. And it isn’t fair, Zayn. It isn’t fair that you don’t need me, and that your life became so much easier without me. The only thing I feel is emptiness, and it just isn’t fair.<br/>Yesterday, I wanted to stargaze again for the first time in weeks, like we used to do together if you felt homesick, remember?<br/>Everywhere we went, every night, you would stare at the stars for hours, while I was staring at you, because you’re so damn beautiful.<br/>Yesterday, I didn’t see any stars. Just the sad, dark sky.<br/>But, I know they were there. They just weren’t able to shine, since you weren’t there with me anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lies

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Black Stars // ziall](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/187495) by xdeafeningsilence. 



> Ok so, I wrote this story in Dutch first and I can promise you, it's a lot better than the English version. My English kinda sucks, and that's why the translation does too, both the grammar and the vocabulary. If you decide to read it anyways, don't start bitching in the comments about how shitty it is, because I know. I mainly translated it for 3 of my English speaking internet friends.

Thursday morning, March 19th 2015; the day my world turned upside down, and then kept turning around until it made me sick. It didn’t seem to stop, it made me go crazy.

I knocked on Zayn’s hotel room door, but no one answered. I thought he couldn’t hear me since he would still be sleeping, so I called his name, there was still nothing but silence. I frowned, could he be awake already?

I walked a little bit further and knocked on Liam’s hotel room door, he opened the door after a few seconds.  
‘Hey Liam,’ I said with a small smile.  
Liam sleepily rubbed his eyes and yawned. ‘Where is Zayn?’ He asked and my smile faded. ‘I was just going to ask you that,’  
‘In that case, I have no idea.’

Altogether, it was weird how Zayn was so absent during the last concert, and how he didn’t want to sleep in the same hotel room as me for the first time in months because he was supposedly a little ill, and didn’t want me to become ill as well, and now he was nowhere to be seen.  
None of the boys and our crew knew where he was, until Zayn called Liam and told him he was going to take a little break from the tour because he wasn’t feeling well.  
‘Guys, he won’t come back,’ I panicked. Louis rolled his eyes at me. ‘Don’t say that, he’s just stressed out, he’ll be back.’ I shook my head in disbelief. ‘He’s lying.’ I mumbled.  
‘Of course he isn’t lying, he isn’t going to let us down for the rest of the tour.’ Harry tried to calm me down, but it didn’t work, I was sure he wouldn’t come back, I could feel it.

I walked away from the boys, back to my hotel room. I sat on my bed, grabbed my phone and called Zayn.

‘Niall? Why are you calling me, didn’t Liam explain everything?’ I heard him say through the phone. ‘Why don’t you want to be in the band anymore?’ I asked right away. ‘Why would you think that? I’m coming back for the shows in South-Africa.’ I could hear he was lying to me in his voice, why is that so easy for him? Doesn’t he care? ‘Please come back,’ I whispered. ‘I will, alright?’ I sighed. ‘Promise?’ I asked. ‘I promise, I love you Niall.’ 

And I knew he was lying, and I knew that everything he ever said to me was a lie. I didn’t mean anything to him, I wasn’t much more than a toy for when he was bored. How could I ever think, that he loved me just as much as I loved him? How could I ever think that one day he would tell me he would choose me instead of her? 

He wasn’t coming back, and I knew it. But even though I knew all of that, I couldn’t stop myself telling myself that he was speaking the truth and that he loved me dearly. What else could I do? I had to lie to myself for the longest time possible, because if I didn’t, I’d go crazy.


	2. emotions

It was a week later and nerves were taking over my entire body. Louis, Liam, Harry and me just came off stage and it was a giant mess. Almost everyone was on the phone, with a big frown on their faces while pacing through the room. No one seemed to pay attention to the fact that we just finished our concert in Jakarta, I knew what was happening but I didn’t want to admit it.

‘Hey!’ Louis called out, trying to get someone’s attention but it didn’t help much. Only a few people from the local crew looked in our direction.  
Louis, Liam and Harry walked towards our manager, who didn’t seem like he wanted to talk to us, and he didn’t stop calling. Louis just pulled his phone out of his hand and put it in his pocket. Our manager sighed and started talking to them anyways. I was frozen, I didn’t want to hear this.  
But unfortunately, I couldn’t keep being in denial forever. After a few seconds of staring, I blinked a couple of times and saw how pissed off Louis was. He started to walk away, and when Harry tried to grab his arm he yelled something unintelligible and ran away.   
Liam and Harry looked at me and soon after that, they came walking in my direction.

After they said what I already knew, I felt some cold shivers through my body, but after that I felt extremely hot.  
I started sweating and I wanted to scream out my lungs, especially when I saw tears forming in Liam’s eyes, but I kept silent.  
I didn’t want to see Liam cry and I didn’t want Harry to give me a hug either. Those first few seconds, the only thing I wanted was to throw myself of a bridge. Just before Liam’s tears fell, I turned around and started walking away. I was stopped immediately, and pulled against a shaking body. I looked up, and saw what I didn’t want to see. Liam’s face, wet of tears, his eyes closed. It didn’t take long until I felt a second pair of arms around me and someone whispering something in my ear. I didn’t understand anything. The only thing I could think about was those times when I told Zayn that I felt like shit and that he was the only one I dared to share that with, because his reaction was so much different from others. He didn’t tell me that I would get over it in an hour, like the rest of the world. He let me have my moment of sadness, shame or anger.   
But now, he wasn’t here. And even worse, he was the reason that I felt like I was burning up on the inside. The terrible hotness and the burning feeling in my throat, like I was crying on the inside but couldn’t let Liam and Harry see it.

‘Leave me alone.’ 

I wanted to sound rude, but it came out to sound more like a cry for help. I pushed Harry and Liam away and walked towards Basil. ‘Can we please go to the hotel?’ I asked. ‘Niall, please don’t be like this!’ Liam yelled suddenly. I ignored him, and didn’t look at him again.

…

As soon as I closed my hotel room door, I realised what was actually happening. Zayn really did lie to me, he wasn’t coming back, he didn’t love me, he didn’t care about me, and he was about to marry a girl, even sooner than I thought.

Finally, hot tears started streaming down my face and I let myself fall on the big bed. I started sobbing and talking to myself.  
That night, I stopped crying every now and then and started thinking, about everything that happened and everything that was going to happen. But every time I came to that horrible conclusion, it started again.

Those were probably the last emotions I showed, the days, weeks and months after that, my world turned completely black.


End file.
